Loss of Momentum

I am not wanting to spend energy on looking for dates right now.

I have something set up for next week with a new guy, and I am sending out a lot of tentative OKCupid feelers, but overall I’m just kind of brooding over how hard it is to carve out real time from my schedule.

Reality is hard.

So, I have 3 kids, aged from 4-9. They are fantastic and fabulous. One weekend out of every three, they are with their day from Friday evening through Sunday afternoon, and I can frolic and date and be merry. An additional weekend, they are with their dad from Friday evening through Saturday evening, which gives me one evening and one day. The third weekend, they’re with me.

I think I’ve mentioned before on this blog that I’m living with my parents while waiting for the divorce to fully shake out (December 14 is the day it becomes final and permanent!). This carries a whole host of problems with it, one of them being awkwardness around childcare. Since we are obviously imposing a huge burden on them by occupying part of their home, I don’t like to add to that burden by asking for childcare for dates. If I were paying a babysitter, I would be totally okay with hiring someone to show up at 6PM and stay until 11PM, which would be enough time to have a fun evening out.

This is coming up in part because I am having a hard time feeling like I want to spend my precious time I can scrape loose doing things other than chasing happiness with a good-date find. But I see myself spiraling down a tricky path — I’ve known him for a week, and seen him twice. I really need to not be worrying about things like how our living styles might mesh, or how he’d be with the kids. This is not a long-term relationship (at least, it isn’t yet, and I don’t want to think about it that way), and I don’t want to lock myself down. I want to appreciate that I feel good and beautiful with him, and keep looking for other opportunities to feel good and beautiful in other ways, as well.

Next week, I am setting myself a goal to make contact with at least twenty guys through dating sites, and to finish setting up my geek 2 geek profile. I have a whole mountain range to hike and explore: I cannot stop forever here because I found a pretty waterfall.


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